Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
