So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize