Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
