i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
