I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
