I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize