Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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