Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
