They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
