I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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