i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
