Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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