I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
