do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
