I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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