So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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