you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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