Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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