stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
