The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
