I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
