addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my god I love twenty year old dicks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
