Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
