I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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