I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize