Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
