Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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