I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
