This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize