Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
