Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
