next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When are your genitals available?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
