i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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