Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
