i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
