imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
