dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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