Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize