Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
