I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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