Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
