I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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