Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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