Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
