His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
