i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
