He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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