Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
