I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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