Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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