So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
