I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
