I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
