so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
