She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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