Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize