So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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