eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
