Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
