So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
