so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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