I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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