oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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