he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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