brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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