I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
