i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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