The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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